So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
