I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
