i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
