Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
