If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
