i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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