Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
