This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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