I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
