I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Soap is not a condiment
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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