I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
