Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
