she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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