I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's never too late to be topless.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
