3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
