So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
