Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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