I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
