She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
