FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
