i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
