I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
