Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
