see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
