porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
