I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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