you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
