well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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