If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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