I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How naked do you want me to be?
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