my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
