she looked like the bat from fern gully.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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