The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
