no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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