Dual....:-)
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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