It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
