he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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