On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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