I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
