I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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