true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
