Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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