Someone shit on the floor
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
