you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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