I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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