I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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