Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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