I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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