I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
