I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
