He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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