so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
