You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
