I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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