Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So much Jack, so little girl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
