If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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