I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
